I don't know what I'm meant 2 feel

message: God michelle that is just such a horrible situation to be in, i couldnt just read your post and move on without commenting. My heart goes out to you and your daughter. xx

message: hi ya, just read ur message and cried cos i know the way u are feeling. You sound like you are doing so well and your daughter sounds like she is being brave for you and her beautiful baby. My son is 18months and he has clear cell sarcoma of the kidney and I too am petrefied i am gonna lose my baby. I honestly dont think there is any other way to be but scred and tke each day as it comes and all i know is im not wasting any time that i have with my son and im sure u do the same. my thoughts love and hugs are with you, your daughter and granddaughter xxx

message: hi ya, just read ur message and cried cos i know the way u are feeling. You sound like you are doing so well and your daughter sounds like she is being brave for you and her beautiful baby. My son is 18months and he has clear cell sarcoma of the kidney and I too am petrefied i am gonna lose my baby. I honestly dont think there is any other way to be but scred and tke each day as it comes and all i know is im not wasting any time that i have with my son and im sure u do the same. my thoughts love and hugs are with you, your daughter and granddaughter xxx

message: I am so sorry to hear about your situation and how very painful it is. It does sound like your daughter is being very brave and whilst you are distraught and worry that you are not being as brave as she is, you are obviously trying extremely hard to cope with a situation that is totally unbearable. The pain a parent goes through when their child is so very ill is unlike anything else and you should not put yourself under so much pressure to somehow cope and manage everything. It is 100% normal to feel as you feel and also to worry that you’re not being brave enough, but truly it sounds as if you are there for your daughter in every way you can be, and that you will be there for her child too. It must be tremendously re-assuring for your daughter to know that her mother will be there to look after her child, and by giving her that reassurance you are helping in such an important way to ease your own daughter’s worries.

Please try not to blame yourself for anything that has happened as you are not responsible, and you are being a fantastic mother to your child now whilst she is going through this, which is really all that you can do for her, yourself, and your other children.

This is a huge burden for all your family to bear and I can imagine that you are all trying to be strong for each other and not let the others know how sad and scared you feel. It can be very hard to be open with one another about these feelings because you may worry that you will upset them by showing how upset you are. The truth is that in all likelihood they are feeling exactly the same way and that it may be helpful for you all to acknowledge these feelings and allow each other to show them. I know that this is a very difficult thing to do when you are trying to put a brave face on at all times, and possibly you worry that if you let one tear fall you wont be able to stop. With this in mind I am wondering if you are getting any other support, either from a CLIC Sargent social worker or from another organisation.

You can contact the Cancer Counselling Trust on 020 7843 2292. Or contact GAPS: Line a support line for parents which is run by parents on 0845 121 4277or Macmillan Cancer Support on 0800 800 500.

Finally you can always contact the CLIC Sargent Child Cancer Helpline on 0800 197 0068.

Take care Michele and once again thank you for using our forum to share your feelings as such a difficult time.

Take care,
Naomi
CLIC Sargent