Personal Details

I had been catching everything that was going about for months. I'd say it all started roughly october 2010. I rember on christmas day 2010 i got my friend to look at a cut on the back of my leg as it wasnt healing it started off as a tiny scratch but the area was looking really inflamed and had got bigger, she said to go see the doctor, then mabe half an hour later i was just standing and the next minute i had a bruise on my hand appearing from no where, she said to me normally wen this happens its a blood disorder so to get to the doctors and get it checked out, next morning i woke up with a cold and felt utterly drained, my symptoms of the cold got worse so i went to the doctors on the 30th december and they said id just need to put up with it until it goes away. my cold eventually went away a few weeks later but my constant headaches stayed, my ears had constant woooshing in them aswell, I also started getting a little shortness of breath but i just put it down to smoking, more bruises were appearing on my arms, legs, cheast, stomach out of the blue, the slightest pressure on my skin and a bruise would appear, I was tired all the time, eventually i went back to the doctors again on Monday 24th January doctor told me my headaches were stress related(so I put that down to being stressed from work), prescribed me some tablets, and told me to go to the nurse one morning to get my bloods took but due to my working hours i didn't have time and I knew this but I thought ill get it done at somepoint or another),



I remember coming out the doctors that and callin my mum to see if she could come get me so she came picked me up, to this day i still feel all the emotions i felt sittin in the back of that car, i was totally drained and ill. she asked if i fancied a burger so we went to a burger van and as I sat in the car I just felt like crying because I didn’t know what was wrong with me and me being me i am really dependant on my doctors slightest thing and im foning for an appointment, i hateed the fact i knew i was ill and i didnt know wat it was as ive never felt so shit in all my life..



During the week my symptoms got worse more bruises and little red dots started appearing every where more n more each day during the week, my walk to work was taking me an extra 20 mins because I was that tired and the shortness of breath was severly bad, it was that bad wen I was breathing I felt like every breathe was buring my throat, I was laying in bed on the Thursday and decided to type my symptoms into google all that was coming up was leukemia I kept looking to see if there was anything else but there wasn’t so I woke Ben(my ex boyfriend) up a little scared and said to him I really need to get to the doctors it said ive got leukemia on google.. I texted my sis, mum,dad and cousin aswell but then i thought im probably just being paraniod.



Got up next morning felt bad not going into work again as i never take days off. I called the doctors and was told “we dont have ne appointment till Tuesday” i was like ok thats fine, didn’t want to cause a scene .. i then called nhs 24 to get advice from them as I was really worried, they told me i needed to see a doctor to call them back explain everything and ask if there sure it was safe for me to wait till tuesday, all in all i was on the fone to the doctors 3 times and the nhs 24 2 times, eventually they gave me an appointment, i then went to see them and they suspected meningitis, i was told to go to a&e; so went up they done my bloods send off for emergancy testing i said to Ben they probably come back and tell me there nuffin wrong way me.. But then eventually wen the results were back they found out my blood levels were low my red blood count was really low and sitting at 6 and the nurse told me no wonder you’ve been tired and getting shortness of breathe also told me it wasn’t meningitis I said to the nurse what about leukemia?? She ignored my question..



I was then transferred to a ward and was told up there i would need to see a blood specialist.. after being in the ward for an hour they took me to my own room as my white cells(immune system) where low aswell so that why I had been catching every bug that was going about as my immune system was low.. Next morning I seen the blood specilist he just explained i would be tested for leukemia via bone marrow sample ...I then had a doctor come in on the Sunday talking like i had leukeimia so i said to him do i actually have it he said yes but we just need to find out which type you have, i was stunned and shocked by this ma brain froze and i couldnt think.. I then got moved to the oncology ward on the monday, got the bone marrow sample took, i then got told i had AML(Acute Myeloid Leukemia), they explained about the treatment and how it can effect me the worst part for me was that my fertility would be effected they told me they needed to started my treatment asap and couldnt freeze my eggs.



Next day i had another consultant in speaking to me, this was my first off day, he was in explaning about treatments again and was telling me the exact chemo i would be gettin, i then just started shouting at him, " I DONT EVEN WANT THE TREATMENT, I JUST WANT TO RIP THIS THING(venflon) OUT MY HAND AND WALK OUT OF HERE", i then just burst out crying hysterically, but i eventually settled down. I got my pick line in on the 5th of febuary 2011 and started chemo on the Thursday..i was really scared about getting chemo as i didn't know what to expect from it chemotheraphy was a big word to me as to me it was like a bad thing i kept thinking to myself what if the chemo kills me as it is definetly a big thing wen the bag got put up i kept gettin visions of my self just taking a fit on my hospital bed but after my first 2 bags of chemo i thought this isn't so bad, as it was not as bad as i thought it would be.



The following week i decided it was time to prepare for the hairloss so i got my hair cut short, mabe 2 weeks after my first bag of chemo my hair started falling out it was really annoying i would be sitting on my laptop and get really itchy with it falling onto my shoulders and down my back so i decided it was time to get it shaved off, i woke up that morning and was dead set on gettin it shaved, i eventually managed to get my mums friends, daughter to come and do it. All in all not all my hair fell out my head ended up looking like a burst tennis ball. Going into my third block of chemo there was days i got really down and wanted to stop all my treatment but then i think to myself " i need to continue with it to give it the best chance to keep the cancer away"



I only really remember the things that sticks out wen i was in hospital as my brain always felt like it had cling film rapped around it preventing things from sinking in.



I finished all my treatment in june and got out hospital for good on the 23rd of june, in someways i scared when that time was coming as it was all i had known for 5/6 months and alot of things had changed in my life, having to give up my house, spliting up with my ex but i now realise all those things happened for a good reason. My consultants told me i done alot better than average during my treatment. As the only side effects i got from having the chemo was severe indigestion, and just felt tired and drained at times but i got use to that and it ended up just being apart of my daily life for a while.



It was pretty damn hard at times, as i had way to much time on my hand and way to much time to think and it sometimes did make me feel down.. but i just had to deal with it and get on with it.



Going threw what i've went there its something that would change anyone perseption on life! Live life to the max coz you never know what round the corner and also try and not dwell although at times it will be hard. I done nothing but stayed as positive as i could threwout my treatment having a few off days, but for being positive threw out my treatment I feel its kept me well in terms of no side effect and getting rid of the cancer in my first block.

Looking back to wen i was in hospital i done really good gettin on with things but my head was definetly fried to the max, i can feel it within myself as a person now. I still have alot of things to sort out in my life in terms of gettin back to work, gettin a house.



I just wanna thank every one who has been there for me and supported me! Friends, Family and also the staff at Ayr Hospital they were fantastic. So heres to a bright a better future, looking forward to my life ahead xx