my son is so naughty.help

message: Hi I read your post about Joshua being naughty. I'm afraid I don't have any magical answer but I can relate to your situation. When Sean was poorly he would have days when he acted like a spoilt child,(I feel awful saying that) but I'm afraid it's the whole situation that does that to them. When they are poorly we as parents are terrified at the thought that we could lose them that we forget about rules and discipline and just want to make them happy because we never know what the future holds, it's just a matter of getting through each day, it's normal. I remember talking to my Macmillan nurse about Seans temper towards me and other family members, I felt so guilty complaining about him because I was just so thankful he was still here with us to be naughty. But she explained that even though he was sick he needed rules and guide lines to follow, he needed some normality, also it wasn't fair on my other children to see Sean get away with alot of his bad behaviour. I know Joshua is a lot younger than Sean was perhaps your macmillan nurse or health visitor may have some helpful hints. I'm sorry I can't tell you exactly what to do, Seans behaviour was tempremental right until the end. I spent many hours crying to my husband that Sean didn't love me anymore and perhaps blamed me for his illness because I was the one who made him take his nasty medicines and have his yucky chemo. I now believe that it was just Seans way of showing he was scared and angry, they say you always hurt the one you love! I know he loved me and he always felt bad after he was snappy with me and I would just say that he didn't have to say sorry I knew it was just his illness that was making him act that way. I think all you can do is give him lots of cuddles and kisses and gently tell him that his behaviour isn't nice and that it's wrong, and that you understand he must be angry. Sometimes I think about all the times I told Sean off when he was ill and I feel so guilty and wish I hadn't done it but deep down I know that he needed to be told right from wrong and it didn't mean that I love him any less I just made sure he knew that. I'm sorry if i've not been of any help I can imagine that you feel torn as a parent unsure of what to do or say for the best and just give yourself a pat on the back, it's not easy being a parent to a child who has a serious illness, i'm sure you are a wonderful mommy to him.
Thinking of you and Joshua x

message: So sorry I called your little boy Joshua, I meant Jamie. I'm afraid with being 8 months pregnant my hormones are all over the place, forget what day of the week it is sometimes.
Take care
Louise x

message: hi louise,id like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for writing such an aquarate post,everything you have said in your message is exactly how i feel.I think that i must seem awful to complain about his behaviour as hes here fighting and i have said to my friends and family that i think hes angry and maybe hes angry with me as he hasnt got the understanding of ewhats going on that we have.Its so difficult as i let ther rules slip as we didint know if he would be here tomorrow and i didnt want the memories of precious moments being of me chastising him for his very unruly behaviour.Its now reaching a point where its not fair on the other two children i have as they've seen jamie get away with so much already and now my eldest is asking me why and to be truthful i havent got an answer other than jamie was very ill.i spoke to a nurse on njamies ward and she said that she often hears parents complain about this at som time during treatment but ive not really had anyone to talk to so i decided to put post on here.thankyou for your response,ill keep you updated,good liuck with the pregnancy,pls stay intouch.much luv,janine

message: i have just read this post after replying on the other page, i have to say i know exactly what you mean, at times alycia's behaviour is appalling,she is also hitting me to an extent, but more so her dad, she gets so, so, so angry at times that it frightens me that my sweet little girl is gone for good. We had a hitting incident that was going too far only yesterday, i have to admit i was getting angry, but alycia calmly told me i didn't scare her, god i was fizzing, but the only advice i can give is to start getting very serious with jamie, it worked with alycia, but i have to say you will feel terrible, i know i did, into the bathroom for a weeping session, i went, the guilt i felt was terrible. but although they both nearly lost their lives, we as parents need to see beyond that, but i know that it shall be very, very hard but you need to try very hard to get some control back, my full sympathies are with you janine, try to be strong, until next time, take care of yourself, not just jamie, thinking of you, tracy xx

message: Hi
I totally understand what your going through, as i seem to be having the same behaviour from my son who is 10yrs old. I think its as you said months or doing what they want as you fear the worst. I have tried to start to going back to telling him off as hes 10 he loses his priveledges unless his behavior changes, i too thou am still finding this hard to stick to in the fear of something happening as he has just finished radiotherapy and we are awaiting results which take 3 months. I also am having trouble with my other son who is 8yrs as he feels he gets told off and perry doesn't, so i do feel like im going round in circles. i am hoping gradually bringing the discipline back will finally work. But nice to know i'm not alone in this,

message: wow,im so pleased that other people know how this feels,i try talking to friends about jamies behaviour but i just know they are judging me for complaining about the behaviour because at least hes still here to play up,i was very nervous about putting a post on this site but if anyone is going to know exactly what im going through its people such as yourselves in the same situations. I have been fairly strict with jamie since my last post and i had about 4 days where his behaviour was appalling,he was smacking me and screaming so loud but i stood my ground with him but tried to be loving etc with him at the same time and so far hes calmed down.im not going to say we are over it as hes just started the maintanance period and the chemo is making him very sleepy so it might just be a case of not having the energy tp misbehave. ill keep you all posted with how hes getting on but im so pleased that im not alone in this,thankyou for replying to me.

message: Hi Neaney, I really understand how you feel. My four year old has just finished intense treatment for lymphoma and has been spoilt in every way including making many different meals one after the other just to get her to eat. She has full blown tantrums when something upsets her and I have found the best way is to put her somewhere safe (sofa or her own room) and leave her for a few minutes. I go back in to check on her and she is often still screaming but quite often if she is starting to 'slow down' I can manage to get her on my knee and hug her. She usually manages to calm down within about five minutes while I keep holding (sometimes having to stop her kicking etc.) Its not foolproof but if nothing else it helps keep me calm instead of ending up shouting at her. I hope this helps in some way. We have been at home now for three months and it does get better. I have also put all our routines back in place, mealtimes, bedtimes etc. and think that helps too. Good luck, kate