Practical issues

Handling what has to be done

When a child dies, there are certain practical matters that have to be dealt with.

Registering the death

Families need to register the death of a child at the Registrar’s Office within five days (eight days in Scotland), normally in the the district in which the child died. 

The Registrar will ask for:

• A medical certificate of death, signed by the doctor
• The child's full name 
• Details of the child’s place of birth
• Details of the child's address
• Whether the child was receiving any state benefits

Parents will be given:

• A Certificate of Registration of death 
• Green form – to hand to the undertakers to authorise the use of their services.

Parents can ask for copies of the death certificate – for a small fee. 

Planning the Funeral

Funerals will mean different things to different families. Here are some options families consider:

• Church or place of worship - religious service
• Crematorium – a religious or non-religious service or no service
• Special place – humanist service

Other considerations are who to ask to lead the service, and how to involve siblings, family and friends.

Burial or cremation

If parents have chosen a burial, they need to pay for both the plot and the headstone.

For cremations, there is a choice regarding the ashes. They can be buried at the crematorium, scattered in the Garden of Rest or the ashes can be collected to scatter or bury elsewhere. Some families like to simply keep the ashes at home.

The funeral day

Here are some ideas that parents have suggested for the day:

• Include the child’s photograph on the service sheet.
• Taking a list of names or asking people to sign a book will show parents who attended the day.
• Ask – in advance – if the service can be relayed to outside the building, if more people are attending that can be accommodated.
• Tell other children what they should expect to happen at the funeral. Another adult could be asked to look after siblings and friends during the service and afterwards.

After the funeral

Following the funeral, some families choose to get together with family, friends and people from their child's community. 

If you arrange for people to come back to your home, you may like to think about asking a friend of family member to be responsible for asking people to leave when you want to have time alone. 

Parents should not feel obliged to organise or attend anything if it doesn't feel right. 

Dealing with the practicalities

Children’s belongings

Some parents choose to sort through their child’s belongings before they die. Others wait until the time seems right for them.  Siblings, grandparents and close friends may like to choose a memento of the child. Or the child may have asked for chosen items to go to certain people.

A child’s bedroom

Deciding whether to change a child’s room can be a difficult decision. Some may want to leave it exactly as it was, others may want to redecorate quickly or move things around.  Only the family will know what feels right for them, and it is important that you are not rushed into any decision you are not ready to make.  

Getting back to ‘normal’

This may seem impossible in the days, months and years after a child’s death. It is normal to look back and relive over and over again what has happened. Yet over time sadness can turn into fond memories and an acceptance that your child is still with you but in a different way.

Further resources about bereavement please call us on 0300 330 0803 or by ordering online.